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Defusing Your Parenting Burnout

Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. Shame, doubt, and helplessness. You've got burnout! Parents carry a heavy load at the best of times. It's essential to take care of yourself to avoid going down in flames.



by Christina DiMartino

Parenting children is hard enough when things are going smoothly, but when work, money, relationships, illness and other issues bring about added pressures, coping is difficult. Although going through periods of stress at times is normal, trying to shuffle all of life's hurdles while keeping your kids' lives in balance is enough to make anyone unwind occasionally.

Burnout symptoms

Mark Gorkin, a licensed independent clinical social worker and author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughter in the Face of Stress, Burnout, and Depression, says that burnout is the gradual process by which a person, in response to prolonged stress and physical, mental and emotional strain, detaches from work and other meaningful relationships. The result is lowered productivity, cynicism and confusion. You end up with a feeling of being drained with having nothing more to give.

"If no matter what you say or what you do, results, rewards, recognition and relief are not forthcoming, the groundwork is being laid for apathy, callousness and despair," says Gorkin.

Gorkin says there are four stages of burnout:

1. Physical, mental and emotional exhaustion
At the end of the day, you collapse on the sofa and you're comatose for the rest of the evening. You have plenty of responsibility and you're juggling an unmanageable schedule that is taking a toll.

2. Shame and doubt
You don't feel confident about the future, and you're feeling pretty lousy in the present. You wonder if people around you detect that something is wrong. Your inside voice is relentlessly shouting that you're an imposter.

3. Cynicism and callousness
You become sufficiently abrasive or obnoxious and people start avoiding you. This hard exterior can eventually become a burdensome, self-defeating strategy.

4. Failure, helplessness and crisis
Your coping structure seems to be coming unglued. A slight or an emotional bump can set off an overly sensitive and personal reaction.

Reducing parent stress

As a volunteer phone counselor with Childline, the innovative telephone/online/texting counseling service for children and teens run by the Irish Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children, Michelle Carchrae heard many stories of parents under stress.

"Parents carry a heavy load, often working a full or part time job on top of all the duties of parenthood," she says. "When soccer practice piles up against music class and the baby is teething again, it's easy for parents to become burned out from rushing from one thing to the other. The result is you're short on patience and have a higher risk of becoming sick, so it's important for you to take care of yourself in order to avoid burnout."

Carchrae reports that eating right, relaxing, and changing priorities will help to reduce parent burnout. Here are her favorite tips:

  • Take time to stay healthy. Being sick is stressful, so you have to make taking care of your own health a top priority. Regular exercise keeps your heart, muscles, and bones strong, and it gives your mind a chance to relax for a while. Eating healthily is equally important to your health, and it helps you to maintain your energy. Exercise and a nutritious diet combined will result in a healthy immune system that will help you to fight off the germs that kids pick up from schoolmates and friends.
  • Take time to recharge yourself. It's easy to focus on giving your children what they need to learn, grow and play. It's also important to recognize that you need to dedicate time to your own pleasures. "If you've always dreamed of learning how to make pottery or play the cello, sign up for some lessons," Carchrae says. "Getting out to a class, book club or art gallery can help to recharge your intellectual and creative batteries."
  • Question the supermom ideal. "Imperfection is a normal part of life, especially in parenting," Carchrae says. "If you're feeling overwhelmed by the duties on your plate, ask yourself what is most important and then make that your priority for a week. When you feel burnout approaching, re-evaluate your priorities and see if you can defer, delegate or discard anything to free up some time and mental space in your life."

You can read Carchrae's tips in more detail here. 

Economic woes add to stress

Father Steven Boes, national executive director of Boys Town, an organization specializing in training, consulting, and researching parenting practices, says the current economic crisis puts an added strain on families. 

"It may be time for a 'parenting stimulus package' to keep your home a nurturing place for your children," he says. "We know raising children is not easy even in times of prosperity. In tough economic times, many families are struggling and being put over the edge of despair."

Everyone needs help occasionally. Boes advises, "Parents, no matter how tough it is, never give up on your children. However, if you are so tired and stressed you are about to give up, it is time to ask for help."


Christina DiMartino has been a freelance and assignment writer since 1985. She is a researcher, interviewer, writer, editor, and manuscript collaborator with a repertoire of clients from around the world.

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Inspire Your Kids to Cook

 

by Christina DiMartino

 

Your kids—boys and girls alike—express a desire to cook from a very early age, likely without your even realizing it. They make mud pies in the sandbox, play with child-sized cooking sets, and organize kitchens in doll houses or play areas, and they probably inquire about what you’re cooking from the time they begin to communicate.

 

Kids Cooking Activities offers up reasons why you should encourage cooking activities with your kids. (Set up link at underlining to http://www.kids-cooking-activities.com)

 

* Cooking with your children helps them to learn about nutrition and healthy eating. 

* Cooking in the kitchen will give children a boost of self confidence. They are accomplishing a task, learning something important, and contributing to the family.

* Taking time to cook with your kids will give them lasting memories. They will pass the traditions on when they are grown and have their own families.

* In the enthusiasm of creating something themselves, your children will be more likely to eat what they had a hand in making.

* Kids learn real lessons in science, language, math, and creativity in the kitchen. Cooking will help reinforce all these subjects.

* Cooking is a great way to learn life skills. This is especially helpful when children are older and more independent. They won't have to rely on fast food and junk food to sustain them.

* Working together in the kitchen teaches your child teamwork.

* Cooking teaches children planning and making choices skills.

* Kids practice creativity and imagination in the kitchen. Cooking activities are a great way for kids to express themselves and enjoy their creations.  

 

It may take longer to get the meal or snack done, but the moments with your children will be priceless. Remember to have patience. Don't worry about flour on the floor or spilled milk.

 

A role model for cooking with kids

 

Cooking With Kids, a series of 90-second videos, is hosted by James Beard Award-winning chef John Sarich. Development of the program was inspired by the reality of childhood obesity, anorexia and other eating disorders, Type II Diabetes, and low bone density, which have all become national issues. Cooking With Kids encourages parents and children to spend time in the kitchen together preparing healthy meals in ways that improve communication and help children develop healthy nutritional habits. (Set up link at underlining to http://www.cookingwithkids.org/fact.html)

 

The program shows how easy it is for kids to prepare snacks and meals that taste good and that are good for them. It uses the five food groups as a platform for nutrition messages. You can watch the videos with your children through the website, then print out the recipe and go try it yourselves.

 

The recipes that Sarich prepares with kids on the segments teach them which categories on the United States Department of Agriculture’s Food Pyramid are included in the recipe. He explains how vegetable burritos, for example, include foods that have protein, fiber and dairy, and that the burritos are low in fat.

 

Good cooking habits

 

Spatulatta provides 350 step-by-step videos that teach kids good cooking habits, and offers advice for moms, dads and kids on numerous issues related to cooking with kids. It emphasizes topics like teaching kids to wash their hands properly before handling food.  (Set up link at underlining to http://www.spatulatta.com)

 

When it comes to working in the kitchen, you know your children. You know what abilities they have and how fine their motor skills are. Some children are ready to handle a certain kitchen utensil or work at the stove earlier than others. It’s up to you to make that determination.

 

You set the rules in your kitchen, such as you will always light the burners and oven for your children.

 

Go over the workings of every electrical appliance with your child. Explain that the beaters, for example, should be inserted into a hand mixer before the mixer is plugged in.

 

Safety and courtesy are behaviors that need to be re-enforced and modeled.

 

Once you've explained how to handle an item safely, try asking your child to tell you how to do it the next time the task is required when making a recipe. We all learn best when we try to teach.

 

 

CREDIT:

Christina DiMartino has been a freelance and assignment writer since 1985. She is a researcher, interviewer, writer, editor, and manuscript collaborator with a repertoire of clients from around the world.

 

 

PHOTO / ILLUSTRATION RECOMMENDATIONS:

Go to http://www.cookingwithkids.org

 

 

TEASER: 

Cooking with your kids does much more than produce tasty treats! It teaches teamwork, safety, courtesy, math, science, and more, and encourages creativity and imagination. And there are some terrific online videos that will help you get started.

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